The cycle of abuse
Most abusive relationships display a distinct pattern, known as the Cycle of Abuse, in which abuse alternates between: tension building, acting out, the honeymoon period and calm. Not all relationships follow this cycle, and some stages shorten or are left out completely as the abuse intensifies.
STAGE ONE
TENSION BUILDING
- Tension steadily builds
- Abuser gets angry
- Communication breaks down
- Victim concedes to the abuser
- Victim feels the need to watch their every move
STAGE TWO
INCIDENT or “Acting Out” phase
- Abuse occurs
STAGE THREE
HONEYMOON or Reconciliation phase
- Abuser apologises, may cry and beg forgiveness and promise it will never happen again
- Abuser claims “I did it because I love and care about you”
- Abuser may also blame the victim for provoking the abuse or deny the abuse occurred
- Abuser may also claim the abuse wasn’t as bad as victim claims
STAGE FOUR
CALM before the tension starts again
- Abuses slow or stop
- Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
- Promises made during honeymoon stage may be met
- Abuser may give gifts to victim
- Victim believes or wants to believe the abuse is over or the abuser will change and may make excuses about the behaviour
